Alzheimer’s  Support Group at Brain Matters – the 1st Thursday of every month at 5PM.  Please call to RSVP at (561) 374-8461)

4^th Tuesday of every month there is a Community Education class at the Alzheimer’s Association, Michelle Morris will facilitate  at 2 PM. August 24, 2010, September 28^, 2010, October 26^th (Cindy Brown will facilitate ), November 23^rd. No December meeting. Call to RSVP 1-800-209-4342.

Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give.
- Melody Beattie

Though asking for help can be empowering, it is counter-cultural. We’re taught to be stoic, not how to ask for help. Yes, how you ask determines your success. In a healthy family asking is pretty safe, but functional families are rare.

Most families have some imbalance of power, an inability to communicate, or simply a lack of kindness. Will they think you’re not up to the job, be angry with you for asking, or pooh-pooh what you’re saying because they can’t admit there’s a problem?

Coming smack up against your fears is your commitment to do your best caregiving. There is a way of asking for help that can work, but what do I mean by “work?” Your goal clarity determines your success. Let’s say you need a break and want to call your sister to talk it over. If you define success as getting her to offer help, you’ve put yourself in a vulnerable position. You might self-righteously think, She OUGHT to offer to help out – this is OUR mother! While that’s an understandable thought, you are setting yourself up for an upset. Your expectations are your worst enemy. Your goals and attitude are your keys to success. Let’s see how such a conversation with a sister might play out.

Designing successful requests

1. Define your goal – Define your goal for the conversation simply: “I want to know how she is willing to help” or “I want her to brainstorm solutions with me.”

2. Dump your expectations – Expectations make you vulnerable to resentment, an unnecessary energy drain. Your sister’s life may be more complicated than you know. She may have her own difficulty accepting the situation. Decide that if she agrees to help, it’s a blessing. Don’t hang the relationship on one conversation.

3. Be clear – Be clear within yourself and explicit in your words about exactly what would help. “I need three hours off each week;” Or “I need help in these ways…” Clear thinking and speaking increase the chances of getting helpful results. Do you just want her to listen? Or to give you advice? Do you want her to participate in another way that works for her?

4. Be gracious and focused – If you ask and she says No, thank her for considering it. Stay focused on your goal. You want help while preserving peace of mind, which means avoiding getting sidetracked by resentment.

5. Make room for a different solution – Finally, ask her what she would be willing to do to support you. If the answer is nothing, get it elsewhere. During caregiving, people you thought would be helpful may disappear, while others who were distant may step forward. When you are done asking, if you still need help, contact local social service agencies, senior centers, or churches. Find people trained in the field of caregiving who can tell you your options.

I just read this incredible letter written by an Alzheimer’s patient to his family. It simply says it all.

Our Broward County Video

Caregiving decisions can be hard to make. They are often complicated, involving many different, sometimes conflicting, factors. Consequences can affect other people’s lives and health—usually people who are very important to you. They often involve unfamiliar, unexpected circumstances. And they almost always come with time pressures, emotional pressures, and stress.

Caregiving Decisions Are Too Important To Make Alone

Involve as many family members as possible in the decision-making process. Some family members may be able to see the situation more objectively than the stressed, harried, timepressured caregiver. Other family members can help get a caregiver to open up and start talking about a problem that may have been silently tearing him or her apart. Multiple people can come up with more ideas and information—and can share the information-gathering tasks. (But please remember that even with people as close to each other as family members clear, objective and supportive verbal and non-verbal communication is vital.)

One essential family member to include is the care receiver. His or her perspective on the problem will differ from everyone else’s and add important insights. And involving them in decision-making, to the extent their capabilities permit, will increase the likelihood of their agreeing to the decision itself. Read More Here!

- Hot Off the Press our latest newsletter- enjoy!

Michelle, our wonderful Community Relations liaison, had the opportunity to meet with one of our new patients and her daughter this past week. This was the first time Michelle was asked to meet with a family, in their own home, and complete the required paperwork for ElderCare at Home to provide patient care.

After she got back, we asked her how it went? Everyone was curious to find out if she enjoyed the experience, the interaction with the patient and the caregiver and the rapport building and bonding that we try to create to help relieve caregiver stress.

Michelle shared with us that when she arrived, the patient’s daughter was at the dining room table doing her mom’s hair. She said they obviously shared a special bond and often laughed together. She said that they spent some time discussing what a typical day entails for the daugher and how ElderCare at Home might be able to help. Michelle appropriately engaged the patient in the conversation, helped create a schedule that will work best based on this families individual circumstances, and got the necessary paperwork completed. Before she left, the patient’s daughter looked at Michelle and said, “Please take good care of my mother. She isn’t just my mother, she is my best friend”.

Until she actually got to sit down and meet with a patient suffering from Alzheimer’s disease and help an adult child who adores her mother, agree to accept respite care, Michelle really didn’t know what a difference we make in the lives of the patients and families that we serve.

When that daughter hugged Michelle good-bye at the door and entrusted her mother’s care to ElderCare at Home, Michelle said it made her hyper-aware of how important our role is and that now, her job will now take on a whole new meaning.

Families often find themselves faced with the decision of when and if they should seek a full time residential care option for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease. Living at home is a suitable option for most people who are in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease, particularly if they are in the company of a spouse or other caretaker. As the disease progresses, a number of factors can contribute to the need to move a loved one into a facility where he or she can be cared for be experts who are experienced with Alzheimer’s disease. The determination of whether to move a loved one into a full time Alzheimer’s care facility is based on circumstances unique to each individual.

For instance, the caregiver may become ill and unable to care for his or her loved one with Alzheimer’s. On the other hand, the patient may begin to be awake much of the night, attempt to cook meals while the caregiver is asleep or wander outside unnoticed, potentially dangerous actions which may suggest the time is right to obtain professional care. The decision to seek full-time Alzheimer’s care can be a difficult one, but is in many cases the best option for both the caregiver and the patient. The experience of moving a loved one into a full time care home is often more distressing to caregivers than it is to their loved one making the move. Caregivers are commonly faced with feelings of guilt, uncertainty and stress about the decision and the process of the move. If you are in this situation, such emotions are common but it is important to remember all of the sacrifices you have made to care for your loved one and that you are acting in the best interest of your loved one’s health and well being. If you would like to speak with a professional that can help, please visit www.coachingforcaregivers.com or www.eldercareathome.org or call us toll free at 800-209-4342. A question that often arises is whether you should inform your family member with Alzheimer’s disease that he or she is moving into a full time care home. This decision is largely a matter of personal preference, depending upon your family’s situation and the severity of your loved one’s disease. Some caregivers feel that it would be deceptive not to inform their loved one of the situation, while others feel that their loved one may not understand the situation and prefer not to discuss the matter beforehand. Regardless of whether you discuss the move with your loved one beforehand, do not intentionally mislead him or her by lying about where you are going. It is best to either honestly discuss the move or say nothing at all. Make sure to bring along some of your loved one’s personal belongings to make the transition to his or her new home more comfortable. This may mean the linens from your loved one’s bed, photographs or whatever items you feel will help personalize his or her new room. New residents of Alzheimer’s care homes sometimes protest the move, making the situation disheartening for their families. Resist the temptation to give in to your loved one’s objections. Though it may take some time, your loved one will adjust to his or her new home, surroundings and friends. During your visits, do things that your loved one enjoys.Simply taking a walk outside, eating together or listening to music can be calming and excellent for your own and your loved one’s well being.

Join us for a evening of relaxing and knowledge!